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making it through

You know the feeling of I guess just lonliness? Well latley that's really just kind of been me. I know I'm cared about and loved,but sometimes it just doesn't seem like that. The thing that keeps me going though is Jesus. I can't do it alone,and I have to remember that every day. I have to remember that he's on my side,and he has a purpose for everything.he will never leave me nor forsake me. He has my best interest in mind. And with his help I can do anything.
Jeremiah 29:11

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prayer

So i haven't been here in awhile. i read the recent blogs...and WOW!!!!

I just wanted to ask for prayer.Recently i went through a tough situation. something that was "rumored" ,at MI this past summer, that my sister was going to do finally almost took play a few weeks ago. in the beginning i didn't know what to think. i wanted to blame myself for alot of it. then i learned the true reasons behind it all. my sister didn't want to be like my mom....she didn't want that life...but she believed that my moms life ....well she was doomed to grow up and have that life....so she decided...

My sister was sent somewhere safe after passing notes of her decision and teachers "catching" them,the school resource officer sent her. There at first my sister didn't want to be there....i mean who would want to be somewhere they were forced to be? but by the 3rd or fourth day of being there....my sister had her color back.

These past few weeks have been hard. With that and everything else i have had to go through...sometimes i just want to give up. My dads job is to protect us....so he's taking those steps.....but at this point those steps haven't really been helpful.

i ask for prayer for forgiveness, healing,patience,peace and unconditional love. pray for protection and for Gods will to be done....and for me to be satisfied with his will.

Merry Christmas girls...and i'll see u guys wen i get bak from TN!

The Little Hearts in My Journal

Something happened last night that i really want to share.
Yesterday was Tuesday- one of the most average days of the week for me. I don't have any classes, so usually i just sit at home, do homework (or put off doing it) and clean (or avoid cleaning... though i am proud to say that yesterday i both did homework AND cleaned. yay me.) So by 10:00 at night, i expected the usual quiet time; read my Bible, pray, write down cool verses in my journal, etc. Then, i knew, i'd stop reading, put my Bible and journal away, and start praying in my head, only to get distracted and end up falling asleep just after i got past 'God, thank you for this day...' It's not like i have no relationship with God, but i find my human self ready for bed before God is, so i tend to rush through my quiet time so i can sleep.
But last night, i read from my bible a little, meditated (yes, i found out it's possible) on two of them, and then i started just... talking to God about my day. Not really formally like 'Dear God... thank you for____, praise you for ____, i pray for____, and forgive me of____... AMEN, i'm going to bed.' I found myself writing out my prayer as: "God, you showed me this today, and i don't know why, but it was cool. Thank you. And this happened, and i knew that was you, thank you." Of course, i asked God about certain prayer requests, and i asked for help on fleeing temptation, etc. And all of a sudden, i realized that there was no way it could of been me finding words to tell God- i was nearly half asleep as i was writing. The Holy Spirit was so in me that he showed me what to say to God, otherwise i would have been speechless and off the walls ADD.
Sometime as i was writing out my prayer, i started talking about Deborah, one of the judges of the Israelites, and how much i had been hearing of her and how cool she was. One thing that stood out to me was that her name meant 'Honey Bee.' As i was saying that 'Honey is God's flavor,' i had to stop myself. Something was wrong with what i had just written. It said, "and honey is God's flavor..." I scratched it out and wrote, 'Honey is YOUR flavor...'
Then something big hit me. Something incredibly awesome.
The God of the Old testament, the God of the universe, the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob- I was talking to him. Something finally connected and i realized that i had been talking to the God of the universe, and he was actually listening! Not only was he listening, he was talking back while keeping the world in motion, keeping the birds fed, the flowers clothed, fatherless kids protected, he was healing the sick, softening hard hearts, and sooo many other things. God created us to have a wonderful relationship with him, and if he only had fifteen minutes with us a week, he wouldn't try to 'fit us in,' he'd pay full attention to us and full attention to every one and every thing else BECAUSE HE CAN. All of a sudden i was like "Wow! You're God!!!!"
Then i started to feel something very deep in me. It crawled up and all around me, and all of a sudden i felt a million things at once- love, joy, peace, gratitude, hope, the presence of God... right then i felt so special, so loved, and i really truly felt love right back. I felt special, like i could just sit there and do nothing, and God would just keep on loving me and showing me how good he was.
You know when you have a crush on a guy, and you're looking at the back of his head in school or church, and you find yourself drawing hearts on your paper and thinking of all the wonderful things about him? That happened with God last night, and i have these little hearts all over my journal. This is a really long post, but last night i realized who my first love really is, and i wanted to share that with you guys. <3

High School

hey sisters! its the beginning of our high school years. I just wanna know everyone's first day and first week stories. Whats different about it from middle school and what its all like. i'd love to hear yours. Mine isn't all that exciting being homeschooled and all but there's been some interesting moments. Remember, if your having any struggles with life you can always talk to the rest of us. Being sisters means we gotta be there to encourage each other and build each other up. Its also our duty as Christians to share everything with our family in Christ so we learn from each others experiences and to pray with each other. Don't be afraid to stand out! Smile! i love ya'll! Ya'll are my multiple sisters and we truly are through Christ. And we all need to post something each week and remind others when they haven't in a while. it's been slower and slower. And busier from having so much homework in high school. =D

please pray sisters

Were sisters now so we have to share stuff right? Well i'm not doing well in my spiritual life. i'm so confused with God. i guess because what i'm praying He just keeps answering "Wait" and i'm not good at waiting. And i keep asking him why but its just not being answered. i know he doesn't always answer right away. What am i doing wrong that i'm not hearing from him? There are so many things i want or i wish i could do something about. Like i'm not good at anything. I don't have a special talent that i'm good at. And i find something i like but God closes those doors so i'm left with nothing. And i know i'm beautiful in God's eyes but sometimes i look at myself and i see a not so pretty person. But that is just the devil shooting me with lies and i know that but the thoughts wont go away. As my sisters i ask you to pray for me in these areas. I'm just having a hard time with it right now. Luv ya'll!

jornal entry

So Ana inspired me to keep writing in my journal. But this isn't how i used to write in my journal. Mrs. Mary once told me that "if you write in ur journal and just talk about what happened during the day and what everyone else is doing and saying, then its not a jornal its a diary. if u write about ur feelings towards things then its a journal" In my journal {i plan to finish before the end of the summer} i have written at least one quote from a song that was playing while i was writing and touched me, the funny part about it, is that most of the quotes go with what i was writing about :)

June 22 2010

I don't understand how i can be so blind sometimes. How can i be so stupid? I act like i'm the better person and that it's everyone else messing up. And yet that's not even close to the truth sometimes.

I feel so broken sometimes. I know God is my everything. I know I can't fully depend on my friends, only on Jesus. I just don't understand sometimes. I realize God is working on me and that i'm not finished but a peice of art in proggress. I'm just confused and unpatient sometimes.

"It's all about you Jesus"

I realize that without God I can't do anything. It's just so hard sometimes. There are just so many things that happen that i don't undertsand. I feel so alone sometimes.

"Can you hear me Lord, my face is down upon the floor?"

It's not just you and not just me. We all need to believe that we are not alone."

"you whisper in my ear.Be still and know that I am here"

June 23 2010

"You only got one time around, only one shot at this, one chance to find out the one thing that you don't wanna miss. One day when it's all said and done, you'll see that it was enough, one ride, one life to love."

I've learned that I have to let go of the past. And in a way I just don't want to accept that. So many things have happened and i'm willing to fix some of the ones i messed up. But then again i'm more than willing to forget the things that aren't the best memory. But I know that I can't just forget them. We learn from our mistakes and it's just so hard to remember the stupid things i've done. But I know my God is always with me and will never fail me. I know God will bring me through.

"If our God is for us than who can ever stop us? And if our God is with us than who can stand against?"

"When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming?"

"I don't wanna go through the motions. I don't wanna go one more day without your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't wanna spend my whole life asking what if I had goven everything instead of going through the motions"

The past has to be let go of. By hanging on to the past I bring myself down. By hanging onto the past I bring others down. By dwelling on things in the past i'm not fully present. Sometimes there's so much I want people to know and then I end up making things worse sometimes. I don't know how to let go. I can't do it alone. I need my broken heart healed.

"This is where the healing begins. This is where the healing starts. Become who you are when you are broken within. Where the light meets the dark"

I give my life. Every dream I have is yours. Father you can have me.

VBS

Are any of you serving in VBS? I'd love to hear how you see God working this week, or anything He is teaching you as you work with the younger kids.

Baffled

I was thinking about the song Hallelujah during my quiet time, and I wanted to read the story of Bathsheba and David, because in the song it talked about how baffled King David was. As I was reading, I saw how terrible and heartless David was. If I were to read just that story, I'd laugh at all the things they say about David.

Most of the stuff really stuck out because all growing up, adults taught us the mellowed 'King George and the Ducky' version of the story. And so naturally, I was comparing the Veggie Tales version to the Bible story. One part I recognized was the part when God's servant Nathan comes to David and tells about the sheep. (I had the whole flannel graph and the song going in my head while I was reading, you'd be surprised how close to the actual verses the song is!) David is absolutely disgusted with the rich man in the story, and he starts going off about this guy. Then Nathan says, "David, he's you" (Youuu are that mannnnnn! -in the words of Pa Grape :D)

Just then David gets it, and he says, "I've been doing this wrong!"

This next part jumped out at me. Nathan says that God has forgiven David's sins already! David didn't get down on his knees and beg first, he simply says "I was wrong" and God forgives him! And unlike the rich man in the story, David wasn't messing around with sheep! He had deception, adultery, theft, and murder on his hands, yet he simply admitted that he was wrong and God spared his life. (David did have some punishment though, because all but one of his sons died due to similar foolishness)

The God of the OT was an angry God. He had made these people to worship him, and they were constantly disobeying him. If I were God, I'd be like "Rainbow, or no rainbow, there's gonna be a flood. And this time, no Noah!"

But because he displayed so much wrath, we forget that God of the OT is the same of the gospel. God came to David through Nathan, ready to forgive him. He only waited for a sorry and he was like 'OK, awesome! welcome back to the family!'

I know now why David was so baffled! Here he was, in OT times, having committed like the last four of the Ten commandments in one situation, and the God of judgment was telling him what he had done. He expected to die! But all God really wanted was to hear David say sorry, so when he did God was more than ready to accept him again. He came to bring David back.

I think there are times when I'm disappointed with someone, and when I talk to them, I don't have the mindset of forgiving them and bringing them back. Sometimes, it's really hard to want to really try to grow closer to people who have hurt me or done something wrong, so I don't try. I can tell you several friendships where I've just let them sink because I'd only go as far as talking out forgiveness. So in some things, I've never really forgiven. If I had taken those hurt friendships and done all I could on my part to repair the hurt feelings, and approached people with the purpose of completely repairing our relationship, then I could say I've forgiven them.

This week, I'm gonna think back on the friendships that haven't been the same because of something that I wasn't going to forgive, and I'm gonna pray for God's grace to overcome the friendship barriers. Who's with me???

Our Words

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building other's up according to their needs, tha it may benefit those who listen" Ephesians 4:29. It was really cool when Hallie said we are reading Ephesians this week because i had planned on reading this book! I read chapter 4 today for my quiet time and this verse just jumped out at me. If i think back, i often grumble and complain, criticizing things that are my discomfort. That is not helpful for building others up or benefitting those who listen. So this verse really convicted me of how much negative words come out of my mouth. I am challenging myself and everyone to listen to yourself when you talk and see if what you are saying is benefiting others. If so, that's awesome! If not, let us work together to let only say words that are encouraging. Our words have far more impact on people than we know!