jornal entry

So Ana inspired me to keep writing in my journal. But this isn't how i used to write in my journal. Mrs. Mary once told me that "if you write in ur journal and just talk about what happened during the day and what everyone else is doing and saying, then its not a jornal its a diary. if u write about ur feelings towards things then its a journal" In my journal {i plan to finish before the end of the summer} i have written at least one quote from a song that was playing while i was writing and touched me, the funny part about it, is that most of the quotes go with what i was writing about :)

June 22 2010

I don't understand how i can be so blind sometimes. How can i be so stupid? I act like i'm the better person and that it's everyone else messing up. And yet that's not even close to the truth sometimes.

I feel so broken sometimes. I know God is my everything. I know I can't fully depend on my friends, only on Jesus. I just don't understand sometimes. I realize God is working on me and that i'm not finished but a peice of art in proggress. I'm just confused and unpatient sometimes.

"It's all about you Jesus"

I realize that without God I can't do anything. It's just so hard sometimes. There are just so many things that happen that i don't undertsand. I feel so alone sometimes.

"Can you hear me Lord, my face is down upon the floor?"

It's not just you and not just me. We all need to believe that we are not alone."

"you whisper in my ear.Be still and know that I am here"

June 23 2010

"You only got one time around, only one shot at this, one chance to find out the one thing that you don't wanna miss. One day when it's all said and done, you'll see that it was enough, one ride, one life to love."

I've learned that I have to let go of the past. And in a way I just don't want to accept that. So many things have happened and i'm willing to fix some of the ones i messed up. But then again i'm more than willing to forget the things that aren't the best memory. But I know that I can't just forget them. We learn from our mistakes and it's just so hard to remember the stupid things i've done. But I know my God is always with me and will never fail me. I know God will bring me through.

"If our God is for us than who can ever stop us? And if our God is with us than who can stand against?"

"When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming?"

"I don't wanna go through the motions. I don't wanna go one more day without your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't wanna spend my whole life asking what if I had goven everything instead of going through the motions"

The past has to be let go of. By hanging on to the past I bring myself down. By hanging onto the past I bring others down. By dwelling on things in the past i'm not fully present. Sometimes there's so much I want people to know and then I end up making things worse sometimes. I don't know how to let go. I can't do it alone. I need my broken heart healed.

"This is where the healing begins. This is where the healing starts. Become who you are when you are broken within. Where the light meets the dark"

I give my life. Every dream I have is yours. Father you can have me.