prayer

So i haven't been here in awhile. i read the recent blogs...and WOW!!!!

I just wanted to ask for prayer.Recently i went through a tough situation. something that was "rumored" ,at MI this past summer, that my sister was going to do finally almost took play a few weeks ago. in the beginning i didn't know what to think. i wanted to blame myself for alot of it. then i learned the true reasons behind it all. my sister didn't want to be like my mom....she didn't want that life...but she believed that my moms life ....well she was doomed to grow up and have that life....so she decided...

My sister was sent somewhere safe after passing notes of her decision and teachers "catching" them,the school resource officer sent her. There at first my sister didn't want to be there....i mean who would want to be somewhere they were forced to be? but by the 3rd or fourth day of being there....my sister had her color back.

These past few weeks have been hard. With that and everything else i have had to go through...sometimes i just want to give up. My dads job is to protect us....so he's taking those steps.....but at this point those steps haven't really been helpful.

i ask for prayer for forgiveness, healing,patience,peace and unconditional love. pray for protection and for Gods will to be done....and for me to be satisfied with his will.

Merry Christmas girls...and i'll see u guys wen i get bak from TN!

The Little Hearts in My Journal

Something happened last night that i really want to share.
Yesterday was Tuesday- one of the most average days of the week for me. I don't have any classes, so usually i just sit at home, do homework (or put off doing it) and clean (or avoid cleaning... though i am proud to say that yesterday i both did homework AND cleaned. yay me.) So by 10:00 at night, i expected the usual quiet time; read my Bible, pray, write down cool verses in my journal, etc. Then, i knew, i'd stop reading, put my Bible and journal away, and start praying in my head, only to get distracted and end up falling asleep just after i got past 'God, thank you for this day...' It's not like i have no relationship with God, but i find my human self ready for bed before God is, so i tend to rush through my quiet time so i can sleep.
But last night, i read from my bible a little, meditated (yes, i found out it's possible) on two of them, and then i started just... talking to God about my day. Not really formally like 'Dear God... thank you for____, praise you for ____, i pray for____, and forgive me of____... AMEN, i'm going to bed.' I found myself writing out my prayer as: "God, you showed me this today, and i don't know why, but it was cool. Thank you. And this happened, and i knew that was you, thank you." Of course, i asked God about certain prayer requests, and i asked for help on fleeing temptation, etc. And all of a sudden, i realized that there was no way it could of been me finding words to tell God- i was nearly half asleep as i was writing. The Holy Spirit was so in me that he showed me what to say to God, otherwise i would have been speechless and off the walls ADD.
Sometime as i was writing out my prayer, i started talking about Deborah, one of the judges of the Israelites, and how much i had been hearing of her and how cool she was. One thing that stood out to me was that her name meant 'Honey Bee.' As i was saying that 'Honey is God's flavor,' i had to stop myself. Something was wrong with what i had just written. It said, "and honey is God's flavor..." I scratched it out and wrote, 'Honey is YOUR flavor...'
Then something big hit me. Something incredibly awesome.
The God of the Old testament, the God of the universe, the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob- I was talking to him. Something finally connected and i realized that i had been talking to the God of the universe, and he was actually listening! Not only was he listening, he was talking back while keeping the world in motion, keeping the birds fed, the flowers clothed, fatherless kids protected, he was healing the sick, softening hard hearts, and sooo many other things. God created us to have a wonderful relationship with him, and if he only had fifteen minutes with us a week, he wouldn't try to 'fit us in,' he'd pay full attention to us and full attention to every one and every thing else BECAUSE HE CAN. All of a sudden i was like "Wow! You're God!!!!"
Then i started to feel something very deep in me. It crawled up and all around me, and all of a sudden i felt a million things at once- love, joy, peace, gratitude, hope, the presence of God... right then i felt so special, so loved, and i really truly felt love right back. I felt special, like i could just sit there and do nothing, and God would just keep on loving me and showing me how good he was.
You know when you have a crush on a guy, and you're looking at the back of his head in school or church, and you find yourself drawing hearts on your paper and thinking of all the wonderful things about him? That happened with God last night, and i have these little hearts all over my journal. This is a really long post, but last night i realized who my first love really is, and i wanted to share that with you guys. <3

High School

hey sisters! its the beginning of our high school years. I just wanna know everyone's first day and first week stories. Whats different about it from middle school and what its all like. i'd love to hear yours. Mine isn't all that exciting being homeschooled and all but there's been some interesting moments. Remember, if your having any struggles with life you can always talk to the rest of us. Being sisters means we gotta be there to encourage each other and build each other up. Its also our duty as Christians to share everything with our family in Christ so we learn from each others experiences and to pray with each other. Don't be afraid to stand out! Smile! i love ya'll! Ya'll are my multiple sisters and we truly are through Christ. And we all need to post something each week and remind others when they haven't in a while. it's been slower and slower. And busier from having so much homework in high school. =D

please pray sisters

Were sisters now so we have to share stuff right? Well i'm not doing well in my spiritual life. i'm so confused with God. i guess because what i'm praying He just keeps answering "Wait" and i'm not good at waiting. And i keep asking him why but its just not being answered. i know he doesn't always answer right away. What am i doing wrong that i'm not hearing from him? There are so many things i want or i wish i could do something about. Like i'm not good at anything. I don't have a special talent that i'm good at. And i find something i like but God closes those doors so i'm left with nothing. And i know i'm beautiful in God's eyes but sometimes i look at myself and i see a not so pretty person. But that is just the devil shooting me with lies and i know that but the thoughts wont go away. As my sisters i ask you to pray for me in these areas. I'm just having a hard time with it right now. Luv ya'll!

jornal entry

So Ana inspired me to keep writing in my journal. But this isn't how i used to write in my journal. Mrs. Mary once told me that "if you write in ur journal and just talk about what happened during the day and what everyone else is doing and saying, then its not a jornal its a diary. if u write about ur feelings towards things then its a journal" In my journal {i plan to finish before the end of the summer} i have written at least one quote from a song that was playing while i was writing and touched me, the funny part about it, is that most of the quotes go with what i was writing about :)

June 22 2010

I don't understand how i can be so blind sometimes. How can i be so stupid? I act like i'm the better person and that it's everyone else messing up. And yet that's not even close to the truth sometimes.

I feel so broken sometimes. I know God is my everything. I know I can't fully depend on my friends, only on Jesus. I just don't understand sometimes. I realize God is working on me and that i'm not finished but a peice of art in proggress. I'm just confused and unpatient sometimes.

"It's all about you Jesus"

I realize that without God I can't do anything. It's just so hard sometimes. There are just so many things that happen that i don't undertsand. I feel so alone sometimes.

"Can you hear me Lord, my face is down upon the floor?"

It's not just you and not just me. We all need to believe that we are not alone."

"you whisper in my ear.Be still and know that I am here"

June 23 2010

"You only got one time around, only one shot at this, one chance to find out the one thing that you don't wanna miss. One day when it's all said and done, you'll see that it was enough, one ride, one life to love."

I've learned that I have to let go of the past. And in a way I just don't want to accept that. So many things have happened and i'm willing to fix some of the ones i messed up. But then again i'm more than willing to forget the things that aren't the best memory. But I know that I can't just forget them. We learn from our mistakes and it's just so hard to remember the stupid things i've done. But I know my God is always with me and will never fail me. I know God will bring me through.

"If our God is for us than who can ever stop us? And if our God is with us than who can stand against?"

"When did love become unmoving? When did love become unconsuming?"

"I don't wanna go through the motions. I don't wanna go one more day without your all consuming passion inside of me. I don't wanna spend my whole life asking what if I had goven everything instead of going through the motions"

The past has to be let go of. By hanging on to the past I bring myself down. By hanging onto the past I bring others down. By dwelling on things in the past i'm not fully present. Sometimes there's so much I want people to know and then I end up making things worse sometimes. I don't know how to let go. I can't do it alone. I need my broken heart healed.

"This is where the healing begins. This is where the healing starts. Become who you are when you are broken within. Where the light meets the dark"

I give my life. Every dream I have is yours. Father you can have me.

VBS

Are any of you serving in VBS? I'd love to hear how you see God working this week, or anything He is teaching you as you work with the younger kids.

Baffled

I was thinking about the song Hallelujah during my quiet time, and I wanted to read the story of Bathsheba and David, because in the song it talked about how baffled King David was. As I was reading, I saw how terrible and heartless David was. If I were to read just that story, I'd laugh at all the things they say about David.

Most of the stuff really stuck out because all growing up, adults taught us the mellowed 'King George and the Ducky' version of the story. And so naturally, I was comparing the Veggie Tales version to the Bible story. One part I recognized was the part when God's servant Nathan comes to David and tells about the sheep. (I had the whole flannel graph and the song going in my head while I was reading, you'd be surprised how close to the actual verses the song is!) David is absolutely disgusted with the rich man in the story, and he starts going off about this guy. Then Nathan says, "David, he's you" (Youuu are that mannnnnn! -in the words of Pa Grape :D)

Just then David gets it, and he says, "I've been doing this wrong!"

This next part jumped out at me. Nathan says that God has forgiven David's sins already! David didn't get down on his knees and beg first, he simply says "I was wrong" and God forgives him! And unlike the rich man in the story, David wasn't messing around with sheep! He had deception, adultery, theft, and murder on his hands, yet he simply admitted that he was wrong and God spared his life. (David did have some punishment though, because all but one of his sons died due to similar foolishness)

The God of the OT was an angry God. He had made these people to worship him, and they were constantly disobeying him. If I were God, I'd be like "Rainbow, or no rainbow, there's gonna be a flood. And this time, no Noah!"

But because he displayed so much wrath, we forget that God of the OT is the same of the gospel. God came to David through Nathan, ready to forgive him. He only waited for a sorry and he was like 'OK, awesome! welcome back to the family!'

I know now why David was so baffled! Here he was, in OT times, having committed like the last four of the Ten commandments in one situation, and the God of judgment was telling him what he had done. He expected to die! But all God really wanted was to hear David say sorry, so when he did God was more than ready to accept him again. He came to bring David back.

I think there are times when I'm disappointed with someone, and when I talk to them, I don't have the mindset of forgiving them and bringing them back. Sometimes, it's really hard to want to really try to grow closer to people who have hurt me or done something wrong, so I don't try. I can tell you several friendships where I've just let them sink because I'd only go as far as talking out forgiveness. So in some things, I've never really forgiven. If I had taken those hurt friendships and done all I could on my part to repair the hurt feelings, and approached people with the purpose of completely repairing our relationship, then I could say I've forgiven them.

This week, I'm gonna think back on the friendships that haven't been the same because of something that I wasn't going to forgive, and I'm gonna pray for God's grace to overcome the friendship barriers. Who's with me???

Our Words

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building other's up according to their needs, tha it may benefit those who listen" Ephesians 4:29. It was really cool when Hallie said we are reading Ephesians this week because i had planned on reading this book! I read chapter 4 today for my quiet time and this verse just jumped out at me. If i think back, i often grumble and complain, criticizing things that are my discomfort. That is not helpful for building others up or benefitting those who listen. So this verse really convicted me of how much negative words come out of my mouth. I am challenging myself and everyone to listen to yourself when you talk and see if what you are saying is benefiting others. If so, that's awesome! If not, let us work together to let only say words that are encouraging. Our words have far more impact on people than we know!

Unity

I would just like to start out by saying that Hallie you absolutely rock for doing this!
This week I heard that Z88.3 was the most listened to radio staion in Central Florida. This really suprised me and I got to thinking about how the Bible is the bestselling book and then I started wondering how this could be when it seems other non-Christian radio stations and books are so much more popular but then I realized that almost all Christians read the Bible and listen to the one or two Christian radio stations in their area while the rest of the world is divided into reading and listening to a zillion other books and music. It just really made me realize how important it is for us as Christians to be unified because it is only then that we can come out on top.
As I was reading through the blogs for Tallahasee I saw that Hallie asked God for unity and how completely he answered that prayer. It just made me realize that so often I pray for stuff and then forget about it and don't even realize or give God the credit when it's answered. Because of this I'm trying to becaome more diligent about writing down my prayers in hope that I can stop that. It also made me realize how God is faithful even when He gets nothing form it which kind of ties in to "Hallelujah" with that line 'Love is not a victory march, It's cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.' The first time I heard this I was like wait what? It's not a victory march? But then I really started thinking about it and Love is even when you don't see a way for anything to come of it which I know I am guilty of forgeting sometimes. And I just think it is so cool that God keeps showing love for me and answering my prayers even when I seem to forget about Him.

I'm Not Who I Was

My melancholy personality made me wait a long time and now I finally get this blog thing! Ok, so Hallie said that this week we should look back on things we've prayed for and think if its been answered in any way. So here is one of mine. At the end of 6th grade my parents said we were switching churchs (I wont go in to detail what happened there) and we were changing schools because of money. My siblings and I were so upset. We had been at the same school and church forever! I was confused with God and my parents were telling me it must be God's plan and later we'll understand. I hated meeting new people and at the time FBC Oviedo seemed VERY big compared to my old church. I prayed that someday I would understand. In a way I knew i had to wait a long time. Time has flown! I undestand now! I got to meet all of you and be in ECORE. The song "I'm not who I was" by Brandon Heath always reminds me of my switch and remembering how I was and what I am now. I am not who I was before! My relationship with Christ would have been terrible. I would never have talked to anyone I had never met before. If I had not switched churchs I wouldn't have had a great youth group experience. If I had not switched churchs I wouldn't have had met my multiple sisters in Christ. If some of you hadn't talked to me then and made me feel welcome I wouldn't have loved going to church. Back then it was "my parents are making me go to church" now its "I can't wait to spend time with other followers of Christ." I can't thank you sisters enough for all you've done in my life. I undertand why I switched churchs! School is still......school. I seem to be doing something totally different every year. Hallie was right that sometimes God says Yes, No, and Wait. For me it was to wait a while. Alot of other things I pray for now I still have to wait for. That's the time when God wants to teach us patience. Anyway ,you girls mean so much to me and I love you all!

Faith

I read this quote in the SUSIE mag (it's a christian magazine kinda like Brio)

"Our faith doesn't grow most when we see miracles, but when we see nothing and still choose to believe that God keeps his promises. That is true faith."

-Heather Boersma

The cool thing in this quote is that Heather's mom has breast cancer. Heather didn't share her story about her family's faith when her mom was officially a five year survivor of cancer, her mom is still fighting cancer. I think we get so impatient when God won't answer our prayers that we don't just have faith when it doesn't happen right then. Think of how long it took Jesus to come- like hundreds of years. Think of the guy Simeon in Luke 2:

"It had been revealed to him [Simeon] by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord's Christ."

I know if I were Simeon, I'd be like 'Gee, well I might live forever, the Messiah has taken long enough already!' And if I was getting way old and frail and the Messiah wasn't coming, I think I might kill myself.

But Simeon never killed himself. Instead, he waited faithfully and kept his eyes open for when God would tell him it was time to meet the Christ. Simeon died in peace, having seen Jesus.

The one thing I think we all do is ask God to do something, and when he doesn't answer right away we stop looking for his answer. Sometimes, he gives us a great answer, but we don't even notice, and we don't seize the opportunity he gives us.

The beginning of 8th grade, I felt like my friendships and God lived in two separate boxes, and the two could never mix. I prayed for God to bring along friends that could talk with me about God and encourage me to grow with him. God showed me several people around me that were the answer to my prayer... two months after I had asked for them. So I had already been so closed-minded to the fact that I did have wonderful Christian friends, and so sometimes I would leave out God in conversations and engage in stuff that always made me feel empty. In the end, I'd ask God to help me with friends (see the circle?). Poor God, he probably said the same thing a billion times before I started to clue in.

Even still, I have to be conscious about what I'm doing with my friendships, but God is helping me. And thanks to Tallahassee, I now have a new craving for God-based, purpose- fulfilling conversations with my friends.

I think this week we should all look back and find something we prayed for (this is when it's good to write prayers down), and think if that prayer has ever been answered in any way. If not, keep your eyes open for the answer, and know that God will answer. Because he either says Yes, No, or Wait, and any answer he gives works for the good of those who love Him.

experiences and challenge

I know that i mentioned it but in tally we had so many God moments.

There are so many that i wouldn't be able to name them all. But here are some that really stuck out.

On Monday and Tuesday alot of people were saying how after the surveys they would end up feeling discouraged and rejected. And finally i just had to say something. And what i told everyone was this. When you feel like your being rejected when you are doing something for the church or Jesus, it's not YOU being rejected, it's the holy spirit. As much as it might stink that even the holy spirit is being rejected, know that just by going to the door and trying, you plant a seed and one day they might become a christian. So dont walk away discouraged, know that you are doing all you can.

In the mornings we would have our quiet times and we would have discussions about them some times. And on tuesday morning i read James. And here's what i learned. If a rich man and a poor man walk in at the same time and you tell the rich man, here is a seat , have food and water, and you tell the poor man, here sit at my feet, you get nothing, then you are showing favortisim and God says favortisim is forbidden. How can you show Gods love and that your living for him if you show favortism? YOU CAN'T.

You can have faith with out doing deeds but how can you show God is in your life if you dont care for others and do things for people? YOU CAN'T.

On Thursday night during worship people just broke. Lindsey was aaying that before worship her lip was already trembling and by the time we got to a certain song she said that she wouldn't be able to make it through the song without breaking. I know that so many people that night had their own reasons for being broken. Mine......mine were that i had one of my best friends there and every time i was with her and we ended up alone at times it ended up awkward for me, and i knew some reasons why {and one of those reasons wasnt even there!} but pray that if it continues we'll talk it out and figure out ALL the reasons why.

Alot of people noticed that we take our lives for granted. Most of those kids didnt have more than one parent if even a parent instead of an older sibling or grandparent, and yet most of us have 2 parents still in the house. Most of those kids dont have a car and yet most of us complain about haveing old rusty cars, GET OVER IT GUYS!!!!, at least we dont have to walk or take a bus. Most of those kids are hungry and thirsty and yet we ALWAYS have food and water waiting for us WHENEVER.

I hadn't really broken during the service but when i walked into my room afterwards and saw one of my friends crying who I have NEVER seen cry before except maybe at connect weekend,I just broke. We were in the bathroom and she was just talking to me and saying that for years shes been praying for these 2 girls on our team to just trust jesus completly and just change and see their actions. And that night she said she finally saw a change, she saw God show up in their lives. And one of those girls is one best freinds and yet i didnt really notice that until she said something and it was then that i had realized a change had come.

So many God moments showed up that week and i strenghthned so may friendships and gained some new ones. And my challenge for those who went on the trip is to just keep that fire going and dont let it die.

love ya guys!

The End of Our Beginning

Already, I really miss being at Celebration. The whole thing, waking up and seeing my friends all day, digging into God's word every morning, and serving all the time. Most of all, I miss getting up and seeing the people that I could sit and serve with and talk about God with. Why couldn't we have camp everyday? By thursday night in Tallahassee, I got really scared. Friday we'd be leaving for Oviedo, where we'd have our normal lives again. Some of us would leave for the summer, some of us would stay at home on Facebook all day, and all of us would eventually go to High School in the fall, where we would probably lose touch. So we decided that we'd start a blog. For accountability and sharing what we have learned and done. So this is how it goes:

Sharing- Everything you learn, anything you do for God or that made you think or something you're going through that needs prayer, tell us. We're sisters now and we need to share our lives with each other.

Accountability- Everyone needs to share at least once a week. If you are still sharing, but you see someone else isn't, get ahold of them. Call them, text them, email them, facebook them, find them and talk to them in person, and always pray for them.

$1 A Week System- Every week, we'll decide on a worship song to all buy on iTunes. Listen to the song at least once a day and meditate on it. If something about the song pops out, share it.

Include the Guys- We can't forget that we have guys in our e-core family too. And although some issues you may share on this page they don't need to be notified about, we still need to have God-based conversations with them. So if you have a question or you want to see a guys opinion on a previous converstation, then notify the guys. And they can share some too.

I hope we can keep our 'camp fire' alive by communicating on this blog (and also, in person whenever possible) and that we'll be honest and open with each other and God. Tallahassee was really the end of the beginning for all of us if you think about it. We are just entering High School this fall. After 4 years of that we will have college, and then we will have our entire adult life to live. And if we live the rest of our lives with the love for God and others we had during Tally '10, there's no doubt that we will make a difference in our lives.

This Week (June 20-26)

This week we can read Ephesians together, and everyone can buy Hallelujah (by anyone who sings it, but go through and see which version you like best before you buy. I think Kate Voegele is the best, but so is Lee DeWyze's version) any thing that pops out to you this week (whether in the song or any other worship song, in Ephesians or any other book or life experience, etc.) that you want to share, go ahead and share.

The End of Our Beginning

Already, I really miss being at Celebration. The whole thing, waking up and seeing my friends all day, digging into God's word every morning, and serving all the time. Most of all, I miss getting up and seeing the people that I could sit and serve with and talk about God with. Why couldn't we have camp everyday? By thursday night in Tallahassee, I got really scared. Friday we'd be leaving for Oviedo, where we'd have our normal lives again. Some of us would leave for the summer, some of us would stay at home on Facebook all day, and all of us would eventually go to High School in the fall, where we would probably lose touch. So we decided that we'd start a blog. For accountability and sharing what we have learned and done. So this is how it goes:

Sharing- Everything you learn, anything you do for God or that made you think or something you're going through that needs prayer, tell us. We're sisters now and we need to share our lives with each other.

Accountability- Everyone needs to share at least once a week. If you are still sharing, but you see someone else isn't, get ahold of them. Call them, text them, email them, facebook them, find them and talk to them in person, and always pray for them.
$1 A Week System- Every week, we'll decide on a worship song to all buy on iTunes. Listen to the song at least once a day and meditate on it. If something about the song pops out, share it.

Include the Guys- We can't forget that we have guys in our e-core family too. And although some issues you may share on this page they don't need to be notified about, we still need to have God-based conversations with them. So if you have a question or you want to see a guys opinion on a previous converstation, then notify the guys. And they can share some too.

I hope we can keep our 'camp fire' alive by communicating on this blog (and also, in person whenever possible) and that we'll be honest and open with each other and God. Tallahassee was really the end of the beginning for all of us if you think about it. We are just entering High School this fall. After 4 years of that we will have college, and then we will have our entire adult life to live. And if we live the rest of our lives with the love for God and others we had during Tally '10, there's no doubt that we will make a difference in our lives.